Confused

Hi i have been a member of www.prettythin.com for a short while now and lost a few kilos in such a short amount of time, but recently i stopped being faithful to my weight loss plan (which was super low calories allowed each day) and pretty much binged for a whole month.

I'm depressed because my mum always pressures me to go to the gym. It hurts me hearing it from my mum more than anything. And i have lost motivation to exercise.

Surprisingly I only gained around 3 kilos, however I feel disgusting and am so angry with myself. I want to be skinny more than anything. The voice in my head tells me not to eat, yet i go for the worst possible option and binge on chocolate or take away. For something I want so badly, I seem to do the complete opposite. I am out of control and I hope that by expressing my emotions on here I will be able to lose the weight I so badly wish for.

I want to keep my muscle tone which i have worked so hard for but get skinny. Although I know that by restricting my calories so low, that i will lose my muscle.

:(

I dont know what to do anymore...